By: Jonathan Pollock

BLOOMINGTON, IN — Long known as the bus that ‘conveniently’ serves those who live south of Indiana University’s illustrious campus, today, each and every person who claims to take the 7 Express line bus on a regular basis swore that they just missed it.
“Well, you know, they only have like two buses that run at a time, sometimes just one, so the wait can really suck,” said J. A. Lopy, a junior. “But if you just look at DoubleMap… wait a minute, isn’t that where we are? And it’s going down 3rd Street now? Fuck, I just missed it!”
The line, which is “express” in name only, consistently eludes photographic or video evidence of its existence. Oftentimes, students who access their phones at a 3rd Street bus stop will feel a rush of wind, hear the roar of the engine, and, before they can whip out their ID’s or take a picture, will see a large, yellow bus symbol pass over their screen.
“I was walking over to the bus stop where I thought I saw a 7 stopped at the sidewalk,” said Otto Mo Beele as his face glowed bright red in righteous indignation. “I rushed over to catch it, but the doors closed. I swear the driver turned around and winked at me right before it just disappeared–like Harry Potter or some shit like that.”
In order to better understand the scope of the issue, Flipside spoke with Dr. Gaas “Clunker” Guzzler, an expert on the occult in American society as it relates to transportation.
“A light whir on the breeze. A white and green flash in the distance. All traces, as fleeting as they are frustrating, confound the senses and further the myth of: the 7 bus. Sightings of it often foretell a long walk home and times of great disappointment for those who see the bus.”
When asked for a comment, Bloomington Transit stated that the 7 Express line had been shut down over five years ago.