DEAR ABBEY: My stepson keeps on bringing home hookers. That normally wouldn’t be a problem, but they keep on stealing my blow. Not only do I find that just plain rude, but that’s how I make my money, and my rent’s due tomorrow. I need that money ASAP. I’d try to get it off my stepson, but he spent all his money on the hookers! He’s been seeing one of the hookers regularly for a few months now, and it might cause some trouble between us if I go off and try to get it off them. Plus, their pimp is a real meathead, so if I’m not careful, I might end up in the hospital. How can I get the hookers to pay for all the cocaine without pissing off my stepson or getting smacked around by their pimp? –ROLLING HIGH IN ALABAMA

DEAR ROLLING HIGH: This is Sister Wong taking over for Sister Wright as she defends her title of Holiest Roller at the Holy Roller Bowlers Tournament in San Francisco for the third year in a row. There are so many problems here that I barely know where to start. First, tell your stepson he’s being a real shithead; if he’s giving those women cocaine and paying them for their services, they’re overcharging. Honestly, chances are they were using him for the drugs. Either way, the perfect time to get the money is while they’re at your place. Just make sure that you aren’t home when they get to their pimp, because he’ll be cruising to bruise you. –SISTER WONG, THE REALIST
Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”