By: Bismo Falcor

BLOOMINGTON, IN-Following the immediate disbandment of Herman B. Wells’ former fraternity, Sigma Nu, students passing by the old house have reported experiencing paranormal activity.

“I was walking by the house on my way to class this morning, and felt this really strange breeze. The hair on the back of my next stood on end, and I noticed a large, shadowy figure moving through the windows,” said a terrified Chad Michaels, as he patiently waited for the color to return to his face.
He reported hearing a deep, disembodied voice repeat the phrase, “You will pay for what you have done! It will be added to your bursar bill! You will pay for what you have done!”

Michaels’ story was far from the only one. Sophomore Pete Reynolds also passed by the house later on the same day, only he decided to enter the house and investigate further.

“I instantly felt the presence of this strange entity, right as I entered the broken down front door. I was first struck by the intense stench of marijuana, beer, and vomit. It was so strong that I passed out. Yet, as I drifted in and out of consciousness, I felt my ass being paddled by a figure whose voice told me I had ‘disrespected the code, and wasn’t keeping the promise.’ It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced,” said Reynolds while in the waiting room for Counseling and Psychological Services.

Reynolds continued, stating that right before he passed out for the 3rd time, he heard the voice say, “My legacy has been tarnished, therefore I demand that the library which graces my name be sold back to the city of Bloomington, for this ground is no longer sacred.”

At press time, multiple fraternities and sororities were found begging the panhellenic council to withdraw their names from consideration for the house.