BREAKING: Online Human Sexuality Class Held on Chat Roulette
By: Stacy Smaum
BLOOMINGTON, IN — Next fall IU will be introducing a radical new online sexuality course which will be taught entirely on Chatroulette and aims to revolutionize the how students view genitalia. When asked about her vision for the class the 38-year-old professor Dr. Melissa Carr stated, “I don’t even care anymore, people are disgusting and I’ll never find love.”
Learning will be entirely student-guided. Dr. Melissa Carr wrote on the syllabus, “Students are expected to personally discover the same sexual truths we’ve all been forced to face; for instance, the fact that female orgasm is a perverse lie standing in the way of sexual satisfaction, the human butthole can only hold so many grapes, and toes don’t taste particularly more pleasant dunked in cheese before sucked. I don’t fucking know.” Those who enroll in the class will be given time to spend on Chatroulette, Omegle or “any godforsaken dick infested website” and are then encouraged to draw their own conclusions about human sexuality.
The Dean of Students, Dr. Gary Burks, is excited about the new class. In an interview, he shared his hope that students, “Just straight up realize that sex is gross and bad.” He hopes that male students, after bearing witness to a never-ending stream of knobs come to appreciate, that, ”Their penises are just another floppy appendage. This class will force students to look at schlongs till they never want to see or smell or touch another phallus as long as they live.”
The course description warns that the class will likely be rather time-intensive as students must scour the internet for the most graphic images of engorged genitalia known to humankind. As a result, this class is worth 4 credit hours, despite meeting only once a week. A significant amount of time and brainpower must be designated properly contemplate the depths of human depravity.
The Dean of the Kinsey Institute stated: “This class is ideal for students to firmly grasp the course material as they insert just the tip of their intellectual capacity into the whetting depth that is the field of human sexuality.”