13 Lesser-Known Olympic Events for Those That Don’t Care About Curling
While the Olympic Games in Pyeongchang are nearly finished, there’s still time to watch some amazing feats of athleticism! However, if Curling isn’t your thing, check out Flipside’s list of lesser known olympic events!
- Sled-less Bobsledding
Ever wonder what it would be like to watch a large shirtless Serbian man launch himself down a massive slide at 100 mph in 20 degree weather? Here’s your chance. Watch as the tears of each team help slick the track to make for smoother sledding.
- Glacier Melting Race
China’s increased coal consumption has given them a distinct advantage, but can they overcome the fifty-year record held by the U.S. in petroleum use? Extra points are awarded to each team that directly contributes to the death of a polar bear.
- Ice Bucket Challenge
Finally, the Olympics are working for a good cause! Hopefully this year will be better than last, when the entire Estonian team was killed when somebody let the buckets of water freeze into ice.
- Yellow Snow Pissing Contest
Each country will have the opportunity to showcase their accuracy and penmanship by pissing their national anthem into the snow. Tell us in the comments who you think will win!
- Black Ice Drag Racing
It might not be Princess Peach driving, but watch as representatives from different countries power slide their way to gold.
- Ice Sculpting
Teams this year will compete to create the most life-like sculpture of the glorious Tongan man from the opening ceremonies. Gold will be awarded to whoever is able to best capture his luscious curves and muscles.
- Ski Shooting
Each country’s competitor will be tested on their marksmanship for their ability to murder the athletes in the skiing competitions as they’re on their way down the slopes. Unfortunately, the Russians were banned for murdering the entire Finnish team as they were preparing for the opening ceremonies
- Siege of Stalingrad reenactment
Look for the German team to finally end their 76 year losing streak
- Figurative Skating
It’s figure skating, but in a more metaphorical sense. Imagine grand leaps, triple axels, and a hell of a lot of imagery.
- Pokemon Go
The key will be for the Olympians to successfully capture and control the gym at Pyongyang. Taking down Articuno will be tough, but Japan is the current favorite with their hacked shiny Charizards courtesy of Prime Minister Shinzō Abe.
- Equestrian Ice Skating
Ice. Jumps. Whinnying. This sport has it all. With sequined saddles, these horses are fabulous. Watch for Mexico to dominate with their rendition of Despacito.
- Freeze your dick to a pole
We expect the Polish team to protest this game once again.