BREAKING: Tinder to Release New App to Set Up Arranged Marriages
By: Naluesh Ho & Jake Spear
LOS ANGELES, CA – Trying to appeal to a new demographic, Tinder has decided to culturally appropriate the Indian subcontinent with their new app for facilitating arranged marriage: Tindarrange. Distancing itself from hookup culture, Tinder has decided to appeal to a whole new market. The real question is, will brown parents fall for it?
This app allows parents of horny Indians to look for other parents who are trying to marry off their children. This was inspired by the longstanding tradition of arranged marriage in India. Given the subcontinent’s 1.7 billion people, this provides desperate parents with plenty of options to ensure their future in-laws aren’t poor.
This app works in the same way that Tinder does: Each child has a profile, managed by their parent, that can be customized to display religion, occupation, virginity status and income. Based on this information, parents can swipe right if they approve of the social status of the candidate. After swiping right, the matched parents get to message each other and share their child’s resume and MENSA certification.
The son’s parents typically start the conversation, asking important questions such as: “Send nudes?”
Next, the daughter’s parents message photos, and offer a dowry, followed with “DTF?” Dowry term’s fair?
If this process goes well, the two, very uncomfortable children, meet up to play cricket alongside the entirety of their extended family.
This is a great opportunity for parents to quickly and easily set their child up for a lifetime of commitment. Lead analysts speculate that if people stop using regular Tinder and start using this service instead, instances of divorce, ghosting, and fuckboys could decrease as much as 60%. So if you’re horny and sad, talk to your parents about it, Tindarrange might be the perfect app for you!