10 Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms That Are Still More Helpful Than CAPS
By: Jake Spear
Your counselor might think this is “normal college stress,” and maybe it is, maybe it’s not? Maybe you should stop binge drinking? What do we know we’re not mental health professionals. So here are some unprofessional tips on dealing with your problems.
- Your therapist did say you needed to talk more about your feelings. Drunk-texting your ex fits the bill.
Reigniting a Tinder conversation that died months ago
- For bonus points, make the first message since April seem excruciatingly sad.
Creating a Sim with a life more successful than yours
- It’s important to have good role models, and who better than someone actually capable of achieving your hopes and dreams?
Roleplaying a meaningful relationship with your Barbie and Ken dolls
- They’ve got the perfect relationship, aside from some difficulties in the bedroom and the fact that Ken is insecure about his partner earning more than him.
Pressing “New Game” on Skyrim
- The only thing colder than the frigid waste north of Winterhold is your soul, that light at the very core of your being. Cast Candlelight and try to remember warmth.
Developing a nicotine addiction
- This adds both Nicotine and denial to your list of coping mechanisms.
Reading Hoosier Flipside’s listicles
- Honestly, that’ll probably just make your depression worse.
Studying Existential Philosophy
- You spend an inordinate amount of time staring into the abyss already, why not let it stare into you?
Getting sent to voicemail when you call your mom
- She’s probably just busy and not avoiding talking to you even though you know she gets off work at 6 and spends that time watching Outlander.
Going back to CAPS and actually trying to get better
- CAPS’ administrative infrastructure might be garbage, but then again, so are you.