BREAKING: Student Kills Roommate, Police Rule Death an Inevitability
BLOOMINGTON IN–Hours after receiving reports of violent screaming, police found Freshman Brian Peterson, killed in his sleep by his roommate, John Riley.
“I just couldn’t take it anymore, you know?” Riley told reporters after leaving police custody. Upon further questioning, Riley told us the full story.
“It started with his food. Brian had a habit of freezing everything he ate. It wasn’t just stuff that you would want cold. It was starbursts, pizza, even leftover food from Forest! He’d freeze it and then just forget about it! What kind of monster doesn’t clean out their fridge?”
This was only the start of the problem. Riley described Peterson’s habit of leaving socks out. “I’d find them everywhere! On my bed, in my shoes, once I even found a pair of HIS socks in MY underwear drawer!”
And then, there was the final straw. “Brian would talk in his sleep, but it wasn’t quiet whispers. He’d be YELLING, screaming about flaming spiders, or begging for forgiveness from someone named Maria. I couldn’t sleep most nights! I just realized that the world would be better off without this weirdo. So like any reasonable person, I grabbed one of my textbooks and bashed his skull until he stopped screaming.
I’ll tell you, that was the best sleep I’ve had in months. Totally worth it.”
One officer gave us this statement. “After questioning Mr. Riley, it seemed obvious to us that this was just going to happen. The second they were forced into the same room, this was a foregone conclusion. Honestly the fact that they lasted through midterms is astonishing.”
Given the understandable circumstances, IU has given Riley a single in Ashton and sent a letter to Peterson’s family, explaining their son’s death was a tragic result of his dangerous and anti-social behavior.