By: Fredrick Venus

Last week, the Kinsey Institute began the first of a series of courses entitled “Common Ground on Reach Arounds: a Survey of Orgy Etiquette in the 21st Century.”

“With the entire country getting absolutely railed from all sides, we decided that there was no better time to begin the class,” stated Kinsey Institute director Lindsey Rideham. “Students will now be able to learn the proper methods for obtaining consent, maintaining eye contact during spit-roasting, and how to properly ask one’s partner to bring their hot-ass aunt to the session. “

The course begins with a brief presentation on the proper pronunciation of pet names such as” daddy, ” “captain, ” and “Reverend. ” It will then move into more complex topics such inviting perspective group mates, retrieving your accompanying partner from a pile of gyrating bodies, and what food is best to serve while getting pounded by an unknown yet alluring Estonian man.

Students have been very enthusiastic about the new course, and have committed to thrusting themselves deeply into the curriculum.

“Whenever I’ve been to orgies, I’ve always been nervous about how to politely ask someone to smack my ass with a riding crop while they’re singing God Save the Queen,” said IU student Willy Love, “Now that I’m in this new class, I can be confident in telling people about my desires and lubricants of choice.”

Despite protests from non-consenting bodies such as Chi Alpha and the Public Health Building’s janitorial staff, the class has been renewed for next semester.