by Nick Smego

9. The GISB basement cranny

You’re goddamn right. Those of you who are familiar with the Hamilton Lugar Global International Studies Building are well aware of one of the worst mistakes in modern architecture. Those of you who aren’t, allow me to elaborate:

Imagine you are strolling through on your way to French class, heading down to the basement in the beautiful GISB building. Then when you get to the hallway, a man cuts your arms and legs off with a rusty pair of these:

That’s mildly close to what it feels like to glance upon the dreaded nook of the GISB. This architectural monstrosity looms in the middle of the hallway, tearing happiness from all who observe.

Now some of you may think: “Oh, no big deal, its an empty hole in the wall, I would like to squeeze my little rat body inside.” Well guess what my rat friend, it gets worse. This picture was edited to remove the constant occupant of the nook. That’s right, this nook has its own little troll that guards it from rats trying to squirm in and get comfortable. That troll sneers any time you even approach the nook. He is overjoyed with the power of his position, and he keeps all visitors at bay.

8. The leftmost urinal on floor 3 of Ballantine Hall

Anybody who’s anybody is aware of Ballantine’s mens rooms and the third floor’s infamous urinal number 1. Above this urinal is the divisive phrase “Nice Cock Bro.” Now this seemingly sweet compliment from some urinal user might seem like no big deal. However, in October of last year, controversy struck. The writer of this note stepped forward to admit that the comment is made in sarcastic jest. That’s right, he is lying, he is laughing at your urinating genitals. 

“I really just thought it would be funny, I had no idea it would hurt so many,” said Moses Fuggington, who penned those fateful words. Many believe that the writing should be removed, and Fuggington removed from the school. Others said that the harsh effects of cancel-culture will result in an unfair and difficult life for Fuggington.

If an insecure person doesn’t find this joke funny, stumbling upon it is sure to ruin their day. We reached out to President Whitten’s office, but they have declined to comment.

7. Hodge Hall

Hey, don’t forget to make fun of somewhere in Kelley! It connects well with a majority of our audience, and Kelley jokes are always hilarious haha. 

6. The ground floor bathroom, House Parks, Wright Quad

The private bathroom on the first floor of Wright was closed after numerous reports of the smell of marijuana, and other breaches of the rules. This is especially frustrating to Wright residents. The use of drugs and paraphernalia is not cause to take away the right to a peaceful private shit. 

I know I stand with every single person at IU when I declare this place was the shit and its closure is an outrage.

Interior photograph was not possible for this bathroom, as per security measures. 

NOTE: We would like to thank IUPD for the release of our reporter following a brief misunderstanding outside Wright Quadrangle. The IUPD would like us to remind readers that the residence areas of Wright are off-limits to non-residents.

5. Pyle Hall Lobby

Ernie Pyle Hall was renovated in 2018 to be modern and aesthetically pleasing, and host IU’s Welcome Center for the Office of Admissions. However, this aesthetic upgrade came at an unexpected cost. This upgrade rears its goddamn ugly-ass head with the Pyle Hall Lobby. 

The lobby of this building is ridiculously large. It is decorated with oddly spaced-out furniture and large pillars, isolating those who want to hang out in one of IU’s most modern and sophisticated buildings. It gives off that convention center vibe with the lingering dread of a dentist’s waiting office. It’s one of the most depressing locations on campus, as it reminds us that IU’s architecture is taking a turn into a dark and depressing direction.

4. 10th Street between campus Pizza X and Jimmy Johns

When I first brought my parents to campus, the first thing they did was throw up and seize at the sight of 10th street between Jimmy Johns and Pizza X. After years of therapy and acceptance, I was finally able to look my father in the eyes again. This experience is shared amongst the majority of IU students. 

The barren grass lot is not just an eyesore, it’s offensive. Not even the crows land there, and those fuckers will roost on anything. It’s common to see several squirrels and other small animals frozen and dead on the lot, and those guys cannot even comprehend the horrors of the adjacent “no parking” parking lot on the street. It is a strip of parking spots next to the Jimmy John’s that you cannot even park in. It is designed to trap and kill.  

Many students stay on the other side of the street. There are even some student organizations pushing for it to be a new camp for the goblins recently freed from former president McRobbie’s basement).

3. Read Basement Dance Studio 

Read’s basement is the stuff of legend: commonly known as “The Fungeon” by IU students, the place is perfect for a game of hide and seek, curling, or just bouncing a tennis ball against the wall. It is also home to a “Dance Studio.”  This so-called dance studio is relatively unknown by IU students, but we here at the Flipside have your back. Stay the hell away. 

The room is just appalling: the mirrors are dusty, the floor tiling is hideous, and they somehow managed to never put a simple wall clock in the room. One of our reporters tried the famous YikYak trend “Read Hall Fungeon Challenge” back in 2014, and he reportedly saw the ghost of Daniel Read in the mirrors of the studio. However, he also reported that it was actually Read’s head on the body of a very large pig. We at the Flipside cannot confirm the validity of this claim, as Daniel Read, a women’s rights advocate and professor, had no good reason to haunt the Read Fungeon. (He didn’t even die in the state).

The hauntings, however, make this displeasing room way fucking worse, potentially ruining your day.

2. Geology Building

IU’s Geology building is a mystery, many students are unaware of its existence, and it’s been undergoing repairs and renovations since the “Harlem Shake” trend. The building is not exactly off-putting at first, but what the fuck is it for? 

Don’t get me wrong, rocks are fucking cool as hell, but do they really need that big of a building for rocks? Some people might argue that it is necessary because “Geology is important at IU due to the limestone…” Really? Give me a break, I can fit so many rocks in a shoebox. This building is unnecessary, and it frustrates many of the campus’s critical thinkers. The building should instead be repurposed to house all fraternities on campus with limited resources. Think Survivor, 15 fraternities, 8 floors, no AC, no rules, and a maximum of one pack of Natural Light per person.

1.  IMU ground level

If you hated the troll that guards GISB’s basement nook, you will despise the IMU’s ground level. Just like the troll, it waves its treasures in front of you, taunting you with its power. If you trek to the basement floor of the IMU you will be met with a plethora of custodial hallways and closets. Areas off-limits to regular civilians. The employees of the IMU will chase you away should you fall prey to your curiosity. Their smug aura makes any visitor uncomfortable. Campus rumors quote that there are many treasures within: mango juul pods, sentient rats with an understanding of their own mortality, thousands of Pilot G-2 pens, fairly priced textbooks, and a frozen clone of former IU coach Bobby Knight. Such treasures existing in tandem with the hostility of its keepers makes the environment hostile and sickening.