Former Fraternity Brother Comes Out as Hipster
By: Fannie Wanker Flipside has received reports that former Theta Chi Social Chair, Dave Buchanan, has informed the world of his true hipster personality following his tweet about Bon Iver's…
Overworked Freshmen Inquire about Housing in Wells
By: Robben DeCash and Skell Eaton Following their first experience with the stressful nature of college finals, numerous freshmen have begun inquiring about taking up residency in the glass study…
OP-ED: Dabbing is Dangerous and Killing Youth
By: Barry Vile The day that I watched my 10-year-old brother get hit by a car while dabbing in a crosswalk is the day I realized that our country's youth…
Purdue Sleeper Agent Discovered in Kelley, Hostage Crisis Ensues
By: Jug R. Not Professor Bersching’s financial accounting class was abruptly halted yesterday when a student’s audible joke about Purdue University activated the programming of a Krannert School of Management…
Seven Year Old Indonesian Boy Already Making Jeans at a Fifth Grade Level
By: Bismo Falcor and Flip Flipoutsky A class of seven year olds in a small village on the Indonesian island of Java was surprised by a special visit from the…
INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: Men’s Rights Activists Barricade Themselves In Friendzone Compound
By: Penny C. Bubblegum In the forest behind an abandoned Gamestop, nine men huddle around a fire that won’t start. An array of cheeto crust marks the Friendzone Compound territory,…
Hyper-Realistic First Person Shooter Includes Years of PTSD and Bad Veteran Hospitals
By: Mack E. Velli Electronic Studios has released their newest first-person-shooter, “Collateral: Vietnam.” In addition to being an action-packed shooter, this game will also have a major story-line centered around…
Top 7 Bloomington Eats for when that Fucking Fuckface Breaks your Goddamn Heart
By: Hermynn Bae Wells Square Donuts Let’s be real, girl—he was a square anyway. Let the delicious taste of fried dough take you to a time before the thought of…
Indiana University Football Player Suspended from Team after Receiving A on Exam
By: Barry Vile After receiving a solid A this past week on his finite exam, Indiana University’s backup quarterback Mike Austin was suspended from the team for "not living up…
Frustrated, Overwhelmed CAPS to Just Start Handing out Weed
By: Bismo Falcor Following the high influx of students whose mental health has been destroyed by stress, Indiana University’s Counseling and Psychological Services has announced it will be simply handing…