9 Controversial Issues that’ll Get you at least a B on your First Public Oral Communications Speech
By: Sutton Lee Seymour #BlackLivesMatter. This is always a hot topic! Almost everyone has an opinion on it, even if they pretend they don’t so that they won’t look like…
Student Compensates for Lack of Problems by Fabricating New Ones
By: Fannie Wanker 19 year old Indiana University Sophomore, Terry Bell, was found sulking outside of his tower at Wilkie Residence Hall this past Tuesday. Terry is well known among…
Overachiever Turns in Final Paper on Second Day of Class
By: Joe King and Barry Vile BLOOMINGTON, IN - Indiana University freshman and former high school try-hard T. Churspet has already submitted the final paper for his ENG-W131 (English Composition) class…
Greg Gianforte Receives C- in Putin’s Seminar on Media Suppression
By: Jonathan Pollack MOSCOW--After a contentious special election in Montana, new information has revealed that Republican Representative-elect Greg Gianforte received a C- in the Fall 2016 Seminar on Media Suppression,…
North Korea Momentarily Invades South Korea to Retrieve Kim Jong Un’s Lost Soccer Ball
By: Bismo Falcor Rising tensions between North Korea and the entire rest of the world came to a head yesterday after the lonesome nation momentarily invaded its southern neighbor in…
Former ATO Members to Host “Little-er 500” for Banned Greek Houses
By: Jonathan Pollock BLOOMINGTON, IN -- With the women's Little 500 race almost here, former members of Greek society Alpha Tau Omega have announced they will be hosting the Delts,…
Little 5 Just Another Week for McNutt Residents
By: Winston Nochill BLOOMINGTON, IN – Many students have already begun celebrating the annual Little 500 week, with students of all majors, backgrounds, and drink preferences joining together to spend…
Local Students Switch From Alcohol to Meth in Effort to Support Local Business
BLOOMINGTON , IN - With Little 500 on the horizon, businesses are expecting a significant financial windfall as students and alumni celebrate the greatest college weekend in America. With a…
Local Student Struggles to Meet Freshman Health Requirement
By: Barry Vile BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Following a relaxing spring break and a moderately active semester, freshman with a high metabolism Sterling Wilson has just one focus on his mind…
Bloomington Tech Park to Automate Eviction Notices for Priced Out Renters
By: Mack E. Velli Bloomington, IN – Bloomington business leaders and city council members celebrated last night after greenlighting a plan to create an automated system for efficiently dealing out…