By: Bismo Falcor

Today, the Denver Broncos take on the Carolina Panthers in what could very well be one of the greatest match-ups in NFL history. In honor of Super Bowl 50, here is a list of 50 girls who rejected me in high school:

  1. Janet Martin
  2. Margaret Williams
  3. Hannah James
  4. Simone Tornheim
  5. Carly Fiorina (despite numerous calls)
  6. Emma Emmert
  7. Samantha Jackson
  8. Flo from Progressive
  9. Melanie Brown
  10. Victoria Beckham
  11. Melanie Chisholm
  12. Leslie Knope
  13. Cynthia Cooper
  14. Yolanda Griffith
  15. Lauren Jackson
  16. Toni Morrison
  17. Sylvia Platt
  18. Janice from accounting
  19. Britney Spears
  20. 75% of the Spice girls
  21. Jake from State Farm
  22. The Geico Caveman
  23. Snap
  24. Crackle (not Pop, hehe)
  25. Regina George
  26. Claire Standish
  27. Molly Ringwald
  28. Britney Spears (oops…I did it again)
  29. Carrie Underwood
  30. The entire cast of House
  31. The entire cast of Corey in the House
  32. 65% of Sigma Tau Delta
  33. The Showalter Fountain
  34. Leslie Knope
  35. Emma Bunton
  36. My left hand
  37. Miss Frizzle
  38. The Geico Gecko
  39. Bar Rafaeli
  40. Penny C. Bubblegum
  41. Amy Schumer
  42. Sarah Palin
  43. The Wii Fit girl
  44. The girl in the Starbucks logo
  45. Peyton Manning’s HGH Hookup
  46. Ellen DeGeneres
  47. A gently used fleshlight
  48. Sexysportsbabe159
  49. Frank N. Furter
  50. My right hand