By: Constance T. Nopel

Sequin-sexuals have rejoiced in the FDA’s announcement to amend its lifetime blood donation deferral for men who have had sex with other men. In response to the widespread criticism from LGTBQ protest groups, the FDA now strongly encourages sexually active gay and bisexual men to donate the entirety of their blood supply to an innovative organization created specifically for handling their ferric fruit juice: the Blood Incorporation for Gay-Oriented Tolerance. Within this valiant corporation, volunteers fervently work to drain the nation of its the seemingly unending supply of satanic homo-nectar.

“Here at the Blood Incorporation for Gay-Oriented Tolerance, we work tirelessly to rid the world of famine, poverty, corporate greed, and homosexual clusterfuckery,” an anonymous volunteer writes. “Since all queers have AIDS and thousands of sexual partners, I refuse to have the blood of a homosexual pump through my majestic man-snake as I savagely dominate my wife.”

As gay and bisexual men are all scientifically proven to be depraved, concupiscent creatures rife with infectious disease, the B.I.G.O.T. assures its clients of an FDA-approved process to properly cleanse and dispose of the tainted male blood. Workers describe the purgative process to involve the synthetic compound PD 404, holy water, and an autographed picture of Mitt Romney.