Language Wehrmacht Enlists Local Grammar Nazi
By: Constance T. Nopel
After years of being called a “Grammar Nazi,” Franz Armbrüster, resident english (Großschreibung, Idiot!) English major, decided to enlist into the Language Wehremacht. As a historical nod to its German roots, the Language Wehremacht seeks to fulfill the Nazi regime’s long-term goals of cleansing the colored impurities from the human race as well as correcting any grammar and/or spelling mistakes it may encounter. Bye (Falsche Rechtsschreibung!) By the time Franz Armbrüster was a young adult, he had professed his passion for “correcting” others to make them “feel worse than the over-privileged Jews post-shower.” Given Armbrüster’s previously known enthusiasm for both grammatical correctness and white supremacy, Franz Armbrüster felt particularly moved by Hitler’s own story of genocidal text speak:
Following his country’s embittered defeat and poor grammar at the Rise of the Third Write, Adolf Hitler formed the Nazi Party. Soon, millions flocked to his rallies to hear his speeches on the proper use of “its” versus “it’s”. Hitler rose to power on a platform of improved literacy programs and the banned democracy. Soon the world began to tremmble tremble (Dummkopf!) before the might of his grammatical knowledge and trailblazing facial hair.
“Der gut ölde daes,” mused Armbrüster. Still, the young man is detmerined determined to make as positive an impact on the english English lang—
*Note: the author was interrupted by Franz Armbrüster, who executed him given the frequency of grammatical errors in the above article.