You use their toothbrush, borrow their clothes, and haven’t bought your own food in a month. That’s a great start, but here are some other proven ways to make sure your roommate never trusts you, or themselves, ever again.

Shag your girlfriend in front of them

Annex more closet space with the help of the IUPD

Use a litterbox placed in the corner of your dorm room instead of going to the bathroom

Spoon them in their sleep

Slowly push your beds together

Only listen to The Chainsmokers

Never leave the room. EVER.

Marathon Shrek daily

Sell your roommate’s possessions to buy Bionicles

Watch porn with the sound on

Watch Bionicle porn with the sound on

Invite them to CRU

Hold weekly CRU meetings in your room without telling them

Let 14 friends crash on your dorm room floor once or twice a week

Subtly mention your knives on a daily basis

Hang progressively larger confederate flags

See how many skittles fit in their mouth

Scream in the middle of the night and blame it on the ghost of a freshman who died of alcohol poisoning