Selfless: Freshman Couple on E-Bus Makes Out Without Tongue
By: Maura Less
BLOOMINGTON, IN- A freshman couple on the morning E-Bus made waves across campus as they performed their morning snog, without their usual, grotesque display of slobber.
For years, countless Freshman couples have asserted their dominance on the E by aggressively making out with their partner. This, in time, became part of many student’s normal morning routine. One student, Eric Puck, has observed this particular couple every morning since classes started. “I was honestly shocked to see them keep it dry for so long,” exclaimed Puck. “Usually, they’re full french by the time I get on in the mornings so it was a nice surprise for me that they weren’t playing tonsil hockey today.” Another student, Lisa Newcar, described this as “the single most heroic thing she’d ever witnessed.”
The couple in question, Daniel Pannert and Chen Li, have terrorized the E-Bus since their move-in day, often straight-up groping each other across three seats. When asked about the conspicuous lack of tongue this morning, Pannucci revealed that he himself didn’t know. “Usually I suck on that fat, juicy tongue the first chance I get,” he explained a little too enthusiastically, “but today I didn’t even get to lick it.”
A follow-up with Li cleared the air, as she reported a sore taste bud. “It wasn’t anything we did on purpose. Call me selfless if you truly believe it, but I wasn’t gonna let Danny suction cup me today, that would have hurt like a bitch.”
Regardless of the reasoning behind the dry make out session, at press-time the two were found exiting the E bus to go fuck in Wells’ stacks.