The Story of Saint Galentine
By: B. Snee
While the patron saint and inspiration for the holiday Valentine’s Day are generally well known, the inspirational story of Saint Galentine’s quest for celebrating female friendship is not. That ends today. The tale of Saint Galentine starts in a bleak place, a place bereft of all girls night outs and Bachelorette watch parties. Saint Galentine lived in a world where women put each other down and competed with one another for a, let’s be honest here, subpar man.
All this changed the day Saint Galentine created the first ever girls brunch, the day before some other guy conducted some secret weddings or something. This point marked a turning point in history, around Galentine’s table were her disciples who vowed to henceforth preach the value of being a supportive friend and the truth about the female orgasm.
Together Galentine and her followers gathered a following, students would study the sacred texts, a Sex in the City DVD box set, and learn the sacred psalms such as “You’re too good for him,” “You could totally pull off bangs,” “No your mother’s the crazy one,” and of course, “Men are trash.” These women band together in the temple otherwise known as Pinkberry, under the sacred coat of arms. This symbol hangs over this blessed squad, depicting the traditional first mimosa drunk by the very first supportive best friend in a rom-com, Meg Ryan’s best friend Wendy, otherwise known as Wendy Galentine.
Thank’s to Galentine’s efforts today women around the world celebrate Galentine’s day. Every year female friend groups go out to brunch and vow to always find the light for one another’s Instagram pictures, to never neglect the sacred duty of listening to the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe,” to lift each other up when the ex subtweets, to always value and cherish one another, and to live by the holy doctrine “overies before broveries, uteruses before duderuses.”