Researchers Fear IU Greek Houses Could Become Endangered by 2030
By: Jonathan Pollack and Bartholomew Bortles BLOOMINGTON, IN--A recent study conducted by the IU office of Sustainability suggests that Greek houses, if not managed properly, could become endangered by 2030.…
Local Student Finds Waiting Room Fee on Health Center Bill
By: Ariel Gold BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Last Thursday, IU student Mac Davidson visited the health center only to find a $45 waiting room fee on his bill. “I was shocked!…
9 Signs Your Professor Decided to Fail You on Day 1
He Continually Mispronounces Your Name as “Fuckhole McGee” If he does it once, you know it’s not a big deal. Everyone struggles with names, especially in the beginning of the…
Local Funeral Home Holds Woke For Dabbing
By: Jonathan Pollock BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Late yesterday, local Bloomington funeral home Memery & Dank hosted a woke for Dabbing. “It’s been a hard year for memes,” said Quavo, one of…
Student Low on Meal Points Takes Bite out of IMU Gingerbread House
By: Jonathan Pollack BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Last night, IUPD apprehended Jimmy Johnson, a local freshman who was caught taking a giant bite out of the corner of the IMU gingerbread…
Kelley Freshman Using LinkedIn as Dating Site
By: Aesthetic Danger BLOOMINGTON,IN - After watching each member of his friend group enter long term relationships, and finding no success on Tinder, Kelley Freshman Chad McMahon developed the concept of…
How to Avoid Accidentally Coming Out to Aunt Barbara this Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is just around the corner, which means you will be sitting directly across the table from Aunt Barbara. As much as you truly love that she drove in from…
13 Cute Fall Date Ideas in Bloomington
It's that time of year again. Falling leaves, chilly evenings, and a Tinder hookup who you need an excuse to hangout with for an hour before you go bang the…
Divorce Rate Skyrockets Following Successful Dad’s Weekend
By: Fannie Wanker Carmel, IN -- Indianapolis divorce lawyers have seen a huge upswing in divorce filings following what can only be described as a successful Dad’s weekend. While some…
Carmel to Become One Giant, Sentient Network of Roundabouts
By: Jonathan Pollock CARMEL, IN - At a news conference earlier today, Carmel mayor James Brainard announced his plan to make his city into one gigantic self aware network of roundabouts…