Hillary Clinton Assures Voters of Her Health, Cites Long Lifespan of Lizard People
By: Joe King DES MOINES, IA — Following concerns of her health, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton assured voters that her fitness would not be an issue due to the extremely…
7 Great Excuses for when your Roommate Catches you Masturbating into his Fishtank
By: Phil I was correcting the pH balance You were sleeping and I needed motivation It’s just a prank bro I can’t finish if no one’s watching I have a…
Family of Roaches discovered in Memorial Stadium Locker Room a Sign of Good Hope for Football Team
By: Barry Vile and Bismo Falcor Following the discovery of a fast-multiplying family of cockroaches in the Memorial Stadium locker room, experts and fans have been gearing up for the…
Trump Brings Giant Wooden Horse as Peace Offering During Trip to Mexico
By: Joe King MEXICO CITY — Wednesday afternoon, fading presidential candidate Donald Trump arrived in Mexico to meet with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and presented him with a giant…
Area Freshman Reviled By Fellow Students For Thinking School Colors Are Red and White
By: Jacopo Inboden BLOOMINGTON, IN--Flipside has just received word that local first-year Hoosier, Kaylee Wellington, still thinks that Indiana University’s school colors are red and white after attending more than…
Foster Dorm Floor White Board Goes Record 45 Seconds Without Being Covered by Penises
By: Jacopo Inboden BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Last Thursday, Foster RA Peter Johnson was shocked to find that his dorm floor’s whiteboard went a full 45 seconds without being covered in drawings of…
Op Ed: You Know, I’m Really Starting to think that Bill Clinton DID have Sexual Relations with that Woman
By: Connor Reagan You know, I really am beginning to think that President Bill Clinton did have sexual relations with that woman. It’s been about fifteen years, but the more…
New Central European Transportation Plans Announced
By: Phil Concerns have been raised over a recently announced high speed rail line between Berlin and Warsaw. Many in Poland feel that the connection is far from necessary. The…
Your Ted Cruz Horoscope
By: Hermynn Bae Wells After finding out that Ted Cruz was (allegedly) the Zodiac killer, we read the stars. Here's what we found: Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 As…
Rookie Military Drone Pilot Impatiently Waits For Batteries To Charge
By: Mike “MC Grandmaster DJ Kool” Jones Having recently graduated from the Air Force Academy’s drone operation program, earlier today Lieutenant Kyle Bradshaw frustratedly waited for the batteries on his…