Local Student to Streamline Friend-Making Process by Just Buying Some
By: Jacopo Inboden and Bismo Falcor BLOOMINGTON, IN - After completely ignoring all of the university’s resources which allow students to make friends for free, local freshman Tim Bledsoe decided to…
Student Compensates for Lack of Problems by Fabricating New Ones
By: Fannie Wanker 19 year old Indiana University Sophomore, Terry Bell, was found sulking outside of his tower at Wilkie Residence Hall this past Tuesday. Terry is well known among…
Former ATO Members to Host “Little-er 500” for Banned Greek Houses
By: Jonathan Pollock BLOOMINGTON, IN -- With the women's Little 500 race almost here, former members of Greek society Alpha Tau Omega have announced they will be hosting the Delts,…
Little 5 Just Another Week for McNutt Residents
By: Winston Nochill BLOOMINGTON, IN – Many students have already begun celebrating the annual Little 500 week, with students of all majors, backgrounds, and drink preferences joining together to spend…
Local Students Switch From Alcohol to Meth in Effort to Support Local Business
BLOOMINGTON , IN - With Little 500 on the horizon, businesses are expecting a significant financial windfall as students and alumni celebrate the greatest college weekend in America. With a…
Bloomington Tech Park to Automate Eviction Notices for Priced Out Renters
By: Mack E. Velli Bloomington, IN – Bloomington business leaders and city council members celebrated last night after greenlighting a plan to create an automated system for efficiently dealing out…
Planned Parenthood Funding Cuts to Spark Growth in Mom and Pop Abortion Clinics
By: Mack E. Velli BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Following the Senate's recent passing of a bill to defund Planned Parenthood, many Bloomington store owners are considering opening up back-alley abortion clinics…
Local Fraternity Redirects All Philanthropic Efforts Towards Curing Baldness
By: Barry Vile As a way to pay tribute to graduating brother Blake Simmons, the members of social fraternity Mu Gamma Beta have pledged to find a cure for male…
CAPS Wait-List Begins Shrinking as More Students Opt to Drop Out
BLOOMINGTON, IN--As midterms come and go, the IU Counseling and Psychological Services center has noticed a sharp decrease in the number of sessions they are scheduling from this time last…
FIJI House Demolition Reveals Ancient Fossils of Hazed Pledges
By: Fannie Wanker BLOOMINGTON, IN--Recent construction efforts to expand the Maurer Law School have uncovered a tar pit filled with fossilized human remains underneath what was once the foundation of…