8 Supreme Court Candidates Just As Qualified as Judge Kavanaugh
By: Ariel Gold The Ghost of Antonin Scalia -Sure he doesn't have a corporeal form or basic human decency, but he does have experience. An Average Poli-Sci Student -POLS-Y 100…
Op-Ed: I’m That Guy on a Bike and I Think You’re a Douche Too
By: Fredrick Venus As I ride my bicycle through the streets of Bloomington, I see the faces of hundreds of students, faculty, and screaming homeless people. All of them with…
BREAKING: Newly-Tenured Professor Glad Teaching Career Is Finally Over
By: Cleetus Haversham Bloomington, IN--Last Thursday, "Intro to Astronomy" students were greeted by their hungover, newly-tenured professor. Professor Wentz was dressed in a stained turtleneck he had been wearing the…
BREAKING: Local Freshman Still Raises Hand to Use Restroom
By: Ragnarok Bloomington, IN – Three weeks into college, freshman Evan Scharter continues to dutifully ask to go to the bathroom. Every time Evan needs to do the deed, his…
BREAKING: Area Freshman Attempts to Slide Into Classmate’s Canvas DMs
By Sutton Lee Seymour BLOOMINGTON, IN – Earlier this week, IU’s Office of Sexual Harassment received a complaint about freshman Cam Ragg trying to slide into his female classmate’s Canvas…
BREAKING: Area Student Unable to Sleep Without Sound of Roommate Loudly Masturbating
By: Cleetus Haversham BLOOMINGTON, IN – After moving from his dorm in Teter to an off-campus apartment, sophomore Lucas Redding finds himself struggling to sleep without his roommate’s loud nightly masturbation.…
“There’s so Many Dicks I Haven’t Tasted!”, and 9 Other Ways to Break Up With Your Boyfriend
By: Sutton Lee Seymour Breaking up with somebody is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. However, there are some ways to turn a bad situation…
CONGRESSIONAL REPORT: Just In Case You Were Wondering, Everything is Still Fucked
By: Sutton Lee Seymour In a speech following the release of this month's congressional report, that one senator you're kinda familiar with stated, "We would like to let the American…
BREAKING: Senior Shouting “Fresh-Meat” Out of Car Deeply Insecure About the Future
By: Jake Spear BLOOMINGTON,IN – Last Friday, a group of freshmen were verbally assaulted on Jordan Avenue, called "FRESH-MEAT" by Marcus Williams, a senior who is clearly terrified at the…
11 Major Construction Projects for the Bicentennial
By: Flipside Staff Transform IMU into Big Fucking Hole Let’s be real here, the school has been planning to do this since 2015, but after massive student protests, they were…