Op-Ed: I Think I’m Falling for Mother Bear
By: Robbie McMichael BLOOMINGTON, IN – There I was, enjoying a typical evening at Mother Bear’s, when as I was reading the scrawny handwriting on the back of the booths, my…
IU Football Looks to Keep Homecoming Losing Streak Alive
By: Bismo Falcor and Justin TruBRO BLOOMINGTON, IN - Following 6 consecutive losses on homecoming weekend, the Indiana University football team looks to add onto that impressive streak of disappointment…
Local Aspiring Hentai Artist Disappointed with Lack of Recognition in Graphic Design Class
By: Sutton Lee Seymour BLOOMINGTON, IN – Following a recent art project in Indiana University’s Graphic Design 101 class, student and aspiring hentai artist Chester T. Rutherford was reportedly dismayed…
Segway Inc. Still Convinced They are Future of Transportation
By: Chip MountGummery and Bismo Falcor SILICON VALLEY - Despite the obvious fact that technological advancements in the field of transportation are occurring at an exponential rate, the executives at Segway…
McNutt Installs New Medical Emergency Wing
By: Kit Cather BLOOMINGTON, IN - In an effort to streamline the urgent care process, McNutt is looking to construct a new, state-of-the-art emergency medical wing attached to Bryan’s Kelley Living…
Dear Abbey…
DEAR ABBEY: My stepson keeps on bringing home hookers. That normally wouldn't be a problem, but they keep on stealing my blow. Not only do I find that just plain…
Calm Down, Brett: Four Ways to Remind Brett that it’s Just Intramurals
By: Gary Goldwater Brett is on another competition-induced rampage. He just proclaimed that if he had a time machine, he would use it to kill one of the referee’s distant…
IU Freshman Learns More in 3 Days in Cave than he will in 4 Years of College
By: Bismo Falcor and Aesthetic Danger BLOOMINGTON, IN - Following an ordeal that left him trapped in a cave for 3 days, local freshman Lukas Cavar was left pondering if…
18 Great Ways to Exploit Your Roommate’s Fear of Confrontation
You use their toothbrush, borrow their clothes, and haven't bought your own food in a month. That's a great start, but here are some other proven ways to make sure…
Conservatives Bail Out Toys R Us in Fight Against War on Christmas
By: Justin TruBRO WASHINGTON – Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) called an emergency session late Wednesday night to allocate $5 billion in order to save Toys R Us, aiding…